An Inspirational Living...

Or is it really?...What's with the inspire and stuff?...Why do we need them in life?...Or why do we need them to live?...

And right now...I am not inspired...why oh why??...That is not the question though..it is more of..."what am I gonna do now?"...I have lost all hope in life...I have crushed all dreams worth chasing...and for what its worth...I have broke down and cried...oh gosh!!!

Its a sad thing...happening right before my own eyes...something that I could've avoid it but to no avail...maybe I did not try hard enough...or maybe...I failed because I forced myself too hard to believe in it....which is which??

I used to love writing...describing my experience...the colourfulness of life....but now...my heart disheartened...no specific reason...but I just strayed...a drifter by the shore and trying hard to stay safe...

I lose focus...I lose interest...in life...in world...in everyone..in work...an worst of all...in myself...I stop believing....

Help me please...forgive me for all my sins...I am who I am...am not perfect and made tonnes of milions of mistakes in life....wished I could turn back time...to the time I was better off before...as a person...as ME...

LiFe GoEs oN...

HAPPY NEW YEAR....2009!!!

A brand new year...a brand new life...forget about the past...move on with your life...it's a brand new start for you...and ME!!!

Life is short...to wonder and keep on second guessing...time waits for no man...

Learn to love yourself...appreciate your life...what you have and live it to the fullest...

Satisfy your own needs...rather than trying to make someone else happy...and sacrificing your own self-happiness...why should you??

2009 is THE YEAR for me...to pick up all the pieces and throw it out in the river...will let all bygones be bygones...and will NOT BE SCARED for what is waiting for me ahead...the path is there for me...light it up with my smiles and happiness...will be there waiting for me...

For my dearest children...thank you for being patient with me, throughout my rough time...thank you for being you...making me smile and bringing happiness and joy in my life...you are never out of my mind...always in my heart and you are my soul...

For my love out there...am not going to beg...nor am I going to succumb to your self-absorbing wimps and fancies...I do love you with all my heart...and because of that...I will be ME...and not anybody else...ACCEPT ME for WHO I AM...and you will find that no one else can love you like I do...

For my dearest parents...thank you for being there for me...always...though I seldom talk and refer to you both...know that I love both of you very much...NO DOUBT about that...

For my BABA & MUMMY...just so you know...I have never forgotten the fact that you gave me up...and the reason...GOD knows!!!...yes...I was angry and mad and upset...and all other things...all the while...and am still mad...especially after both of you suddenly come crashing back into my life...to make matter worse...it doesn't help when all you can say is SORRY...but you never MEANT it...and I am so mad...yes...I am...your actions doesn't justify it...and your SORRY is too late...36 years too late...

For my ex...you were once the love of my life...you were the one who taught me how to love and you were the one who broke my heart to pieces...thousands of it and I hate myself for loving you...we can never be the same anymore...I have changed...a lot...we have come to the end of the road where we have to decide...to jump or not to jump...and I chose...TO JUMP...free myself from you...from everyone and I am who I am now...I am not happy with my choices...but I have learned to accept my choices and my mistakes...in life...I am living for all my sins and my foolish choices...and now I am forging ahead into the unchartered territories...I am scared...who wouldn't??...but I know...I will get through this...InsyaAllah...Take Care my one and only...I have always love you...~Ur Lil' Princess~

For my friends out there...there are true friends who have been by my side...thank you for your love and support...for not all of you...I have NO FRIENDS...

For those who hate or despise me...watch your back as I shall NOT SUCCUMB to whatever your evil plans are...ALLAH will protect me and through HIS guidance...I shall lead my life peacefully...AMEEN...

May 2009 brings joy and happiness...for ALL!!! *regardless**

~ME~

I Fell Again...

Am 35 years old...and I am still learning in the university of life...I wonder how a person can go through life without learning anything in the process...

True...I have made several unfavoured choices in my life path...but I have got to be strong in my swimming through this heavy current...

I love my children so much...and I misses them a whole lot...this is the time that I want them most in my life...yet, I want to be alone...why do I choose it that way?...I don't even know what am I feeling right now...

I just want to be happy...is that so difficult to ask?...I am not demanding...yet no one seems to be able to make me happy...I want to see smiles on all my loved ones faces....yet I see gremlins and monsters in the making...

Life is full of trials and turbulences...worries not as, so long as we have given our best to life...should we be worried?...Live life to the fullest?...how do you define that?...do you mean by satisfying your wants?...which is a neverending wants in life...

I don't want to be a slave to life...no one have the rights to judge me or pre-judge me for that matter...I am who I am...we changed to be a better person...not for anyone else...but for our own self dignity...

~me~

My Lil' Princess - My Pride

I m x gd in givin out compliments, tho, I m gd in lovin' my lil' princess...THANK YOU darling for being my Lil' Princess...

~Luv U~
mama

A New Beginning...

Hmm...it's bn a hectic week...I was down wit a weird feverish feeling n a bad case of coughing n a severe headache...nevertheless...managed 2 overcome it...now I'm dealin wit my cough n headache still...I've finally moved in my own place...having my own privacy n doing stuffs dat I wanted 2 do most...spending time wit my lovely kids at home...

We had our 1st ever DINNER together...it was awesome...tho there was only 1 "lauk"...but we had a great time eating together at home...

I realized how much I've missed them...watching them squabblings among another...n joking n teasing among themselves...it was very entertaining...

Dis morning was our 1st "sahur"...it was a challenge getting dem to wake up...still...we managed...n dey went straight bck 2 sleep...typical of KIDS!!!...

I LOVE YOU...my darling angels...

~xox~
mama

Yet again...it's all a big LIE!!!

Yet again another lie...how I hate dis man...who hv bn a big influence on ME...I succumbed 2 all his wimps n fancies...even till nw...mayb it's true...wat ppl say abt me...I nvr learn my mistake...always give benefit of d doubt 2 ppl...regardless...let dem push me ard till I m pinned against d wall...n dat 2...will x deter me frm being ME...always GIVING IN...

I m a sucker for LOVE...

~xox~
Ur Lil' Princess ("ex"...unquote)

Only GOD Knows...

I realized that I m x perfect...nvr hv I imagined myself wld b...it seems dat no1 knos me better bt myself...bt den...how cum I dun even kno who I m?

At times...I feel like driving straight into the divider...n at times...I just feel like running...as fast as I cld...and I wld...if only I m brave enuf...

At times...I hate myself...for being ME...at times, m jst ME...loving each day...s it is...

Now...I feel so alone...I feel so empty...

only GOD Knows...how I truly feel...

~xox~

ME